Adulting is the worst. 

The more you "look" and "act" like an adult, the more your soul dies. At least, mine does. I'm pretty sure everyone else is dying too. They just don't want to "give off that image" bc that means, they are adulting wrong. Stupid appearances. Also, stupid human pride.

I received a pretty awesome photo editing job. However, the schedule is stifling and the commute is infuriating. How do so many people do this? People do not need as much as their eyes make them believe they need. 

The goal for my life is to obtain a stable career that allows me to speak to humans minimally, utilize my creativity, promote learning, and allow for an abundance of travel. I do not need a nice car. I do not need 100 pairs of shoes nor purses. I do not need to prove how hip I am with my social media career. I am sick of everyone in the city acting like they are so god damn cool. They're all clones. 

 I have everything I need. Except for the mountians. Except for the ocean. Nature is missing from my heart and we are trying to do everything in our power to move closer to it.

Goals for the rest of 2016:

1. Keep cool. Keep calm. If I become angry, express my anger in a positive fashion.

2. Eliminate "not" and "negatives" from my vocabulary. The mind only registers positives. 

3. Socialize more. See the beauty in everyone. 

4. Eat healthy. Be physical. 

"Edgewood Welcomes You"

I'm laying in my bed in my new apartment downtown unable to wash the dishes or finish building the punching bag because our AC is on the fritz and it's just too damn hot to do anything besides lay next to these 2 fans. Run on sentence ftw.

It's a cute little 2 bedroom. Our neighbors are nice and our landlord isn't a slumlord. So those are pluses! We are without some essential pieces of furniture but we're making due. I already quit a terrible job. I did it in a childish way but I couldn't stand one more day there. Serving has taken its toll on me. I dislike how much it makes me hate people. I usually see the good in everyone. Except when I'm their server. Then I see why there should be a hell and everyone should be in it. It's not good for me. It's not good for them.

I need to find another route to make money. Quick. Get the negativity from that job out of me. Quick. Find a way to buy a couch. Quick.

Things have been great over all. We've been fortunate. Just trying our best to better ourselves as best we can with out resources.

Our next goal? Get internet. Mostly for me. I need to get my Adobe certification so that I can start learning graphic design. :) Then, save enough to finish the last year of school.

Goals man. I've got 'em. It's taking FOREVER though. I don't want to tell all of my goals though. I heard the more you vocalize it, the less likely it is from happening. That's the power of others thoughts. Well, better try and muster up some energy and put away the laundry. Ewgh it's too hot.

Saturns Return

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shannon-kaiser/saturn-returns_b_4275974.html

Saturn hit me hard. Now on to better and brighter things.

On a brighter note, things went well today.

Free lunch w the folks. And the okay from the grandma. Looks like I'm Ohio bound.

A much needed make up with C. Who is getting married to the other C on May 22!

A lucky find of free boxes! Thank you Petsmart recycling bin.

Sweet day w Leia.

To cap the night off, some quality tea/doughnut/free coffee and chocolate chip time with the Bailey/Ortega fam. Lovely little show put on by R.

Happy 30th Birthday green eyes. Hope your day tomorrow will be as good as mine was today.

Leaving 760

Things have been...hectic. I've been trying my hardest to stay positive. 

It has been like this for quite some time. Every aspect of my life has been in decline. Friends, Romance, College, Finances... all at an all time low. I am very tired of people telling me what I am. I'm done listening.

I am currently getting over a serious cold. Once the morning light hits, I am collecting boxes to pack my belongings. I'm posting the things I don't quite need. Starting a new. I do feel better when I have less. I love my belongings too much. They do not bring me happiness. A lesson I forget. 

I am leaving this treacherous house and it's bad memories. Leaving this city and it's false hope. I'm packing a bag and going north. I won't be too happy with the cold but I'm headed to Columbus to stay with my grandmother. Take care of her for a while. Spend time with her before she passes in a few years. Hang out with my brother and get to know my sister-in-law for the first time. Or, at least, I hope to get to see them. I've been told they are a bit socially isolated. After a month or two of that, off to Texas! I'll work in my sister's new Vietnamese restaurant. Hopefully, I'll be a good help rather than a nuisance. I know she'll work me to the bone, but maybe I won't mind if I'm supplied with a 24 hour Vietnamese diet. Oh, yeeeaahhh. Next? I want to save up enough to visit the rest of my relatives in Colombia. That will be my absolute favorite. Beautiful places and missed faces. Hopefully, Imalla will still be there. She's my favorite. It will be wonderful to see them all. 

I love A with all my heart, but at times, there's a sliver of ice and my actions reflect on that. It isn't me. I haven't been me in a long while. I need to find that happy girl again. The strong one. The one that doesn't get jealous. The one that doesn't assume the worse. The one that sees the good in people. 

Exercise will be the key. Wellbutrin and exercise.

The Water

All that I have is a river The river is always my home Lord, take me away For I just cannot stay Or I'll sink in my skin and my bones The water sustains me without even trying The water can't drown me, I'm done With my dying Please help me build a small boat One that'll ride on the flow Where the river runs deep And the larger fish creep I'm glad of what keeps me afloat The water sustains me without even trying The water can't drown me, I'm done With my dying Now deeper the water I sail And faster the current I'm in That each night brings the stars And the song in my heart Is a tune for the journeyman's tale The water sustains me without even trying The water can't drown me, I'm done With my dying Now the land that I knew is a dream And the line on the distance grows faint So wide is my river The horizon a sliver The artist has run out of paint Where the blue of the sea meets the sky And the big yellow sun leads me home I'm everywhere now The way is a vow To the wind of each breath by and by The water sustains me without even trying The water can't drown me, I'm done With my dying

By Johnny Flynn and Laura Marling

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4QQ7HYYdWw

Dual Spires

I love Psych. I love Twin Peaks. So when I re-watched Psych's Dual Spires, a tribute episode that was chock full of easter eggs, I appreciated it for everything that it was. The writer's did a fantastic job. I've re-watched it over and over and over again.

So I wanted to write down the amount of meta-references Dual Spires held. Turns out that someone beat me to the punch (of course).

http://welcometotwinpeaks.com/inspiration/psych-twin-peaks/

Love love love it.

Amenities

I have been looking to make life more pleasurable lately. I want pillows, pie, black coffee, furry rugs, doughnuts, saddle shoes, flowers, candles, make up brushes, a clean home, a smart mind, and a good heart.