Carry On and Take Photos

When it's too good to be true, it probably is.

Well, as good as things were looking at the beginning of August, it all fell to pieces by the end of the month. It's been a terrible month. Complications arised with going to GSU this semester. Turned out I need the most basic film class in order to attend the more advanced courses. My financial aid still had not come through and there was less than a week before the first day of the semester. So, the cheapest option was to take one more mini-semester class at GPC. I can return to the excitement of GSU in the spring.

And the move? That has been post-poned as well. I am a very lucky person to have Andrew take care of me while I was in summer school but it seems I jumped the gun on that. Unfortunately, financial issues took a tole on us. I should have stuck with my old serving job. The choice was between staying at our current location with the freedom of purchasing items we wanted comfortably (eating out, taking my time looking for a photography job, purchasing lenses for my Nikon, going to see doctors, etc.) or struggling for a month or two at the new house and finding whatever mediocre job was available to me first hand to pay the bills. We would have been fine after a month but we stuck with the more comfortable option.



Now that I won't be attending college classes until October, my objective is to find a photography job. Check. It's not the greatest gig in the world but my close friend recommended me to her company. Starting this week I will be a Photographer's Assistant. I have plenty experience doing that. It's boring and dull. My hopes are that I will be able to stick my foot in the door at this company and, soon, they will hire me as a Photographer. In the mean time, I will take free photo shoots of friends to build my portfolio. Thanks to my mentor, Liz, I have learned a great deal in cameras and shooting in a short time. Now, I need to teach myself Lightroom and Photoshop (again!).

Writing it down, it doesn't seem so terrible. I learned that I take bad news and just blow it out of proportion. I have been wallowing in self-pity. It's ridiculous. I know. But it shed a light on something I have not been honest with. I am depressed. It has returned and in full force. The good thing about having extra cash now that we're not moving, is that I can find myself a good psychologist. I don't tend to trust doctors but I know I need to go back on Prozac. As I've told dear friends, I won't be on it forever. I am drowning right now and Prozac is a life jacket that helps me keep my head above water to see where land is. Just something to pick me up. Because right now, I feel like I'm hardly keeping it together. It doesn't help that my roommates and family think my lazy behavior is "just me". I know it's not. I remember when I was happy.



I know what I need to do to get back to Happy Kate. It's just easier said than done. Here's to getting back to land.