The Feminine Pack

I was reminiscing of my time spent in New Orleans this past October and I remember a brilliant memory that I felt I had to share.

I have gained 75 lbs. in the past two years. I used to look like this:

Now I look like this:

Look at that love handle. More like a love crank. Blegh,

 I have, obviously, put on a lot of weight. I used to be cute and petite and, now? I am a large load. Needless to say, it's difficult feeling cute or sexy at my size. I am past the larges. I have sped by the largest pants size (12) most name brands hold too. My double chin, chunkier frame, and inflated face is a constant reminder through out the day that I am no longer pretty. When people see me, they do not see pretty brown cat eyes. They do not see the beautiful tint of hair color. They don't notice my jewelry or my fashion sense. They see a fat girl. Don't deny it! When you see someone my size, you see that too. I try to be optimistic but sometimes the reality of my massive growth surfaces and it depresses me, like it did this past October when I was visiting New Orleans. Back to the good story.

I went with my close friend, Cynthia. I bought a summer Free People dress the week before our departure to NOLA and I was excited to wear it there.

Cute, right? Right. I wore it the entire day on our outing to Magazine Street. It's an awesome part of New Orleans, right next to the French Quarter. We found amazing thrift stores like Ah-ha, indie restaurants like Coquette, and cute shops like the St. James Cheese Company. The day was hot and the dress made me feel, well, wrong. You know when you're wearing something that you feel totally uncomfortable wearing? That was me in this gorgeous dress. I felt like my exposed arms were too floppy and there was too much skin uncovered on the sides. I felt I had the wrong bra for it and there were fat rolls emerging. I felt like everyone was staring at me because the dress was inappropriate for a girl my size to wear. 

I tried to push this thought in the back of my mind so I could focus on enjoying the sites. We went from thrift store to thrift store. New Orleans had AMAZING thrift stores. The clothes were cheap and lavish. I could find retro 1950's dresses for less than $100! That would be near impossible here in Atlanta. Anyways, we walked into a more modern thrift store packed with women. I was trying to find some cute things that were my size (nothing ended up fitting). BUT as I was browsing, not one but TWO women came up to me and said I looked beautiful in my dress. Not, "What a beautiful dress!" But, "I just had to tell you how beautiful you look in that dress!"

I thought of that today and I had to just write about it. Those two women made me feel amazing after telling me such a wonderful thing. I was feeling like a fat sausage wrapped in a pretty lace and they put it all into perspective. I loved it. It made me tear up. 

And that's it. That's all it took to get me out of a negative mind frame. Two ladies telling me I looked pretty. I know it was about looks and women need to move away from feeling like we need to look pretty in order to feel good on the inside but sometimes, we just do. 

We ladies need to stick together not berate and pull each other down. I can't tell you how often I have come across women, GROWN women, I'm talking about women in their 50's talking trash about other women. All. The. Time. And it sickens me. That hurtful gossip can do as much damage to a person as an uplifting comment can exhilarate a person. 

That's what I plan to do. Everyday, I will make it an effort to compliment one woman. About her outfit, her hair, her voice, anything. I will try to not make it materialistic base but sometimes that can help the soul too. Just like it did to me.