Lost

Writing essays. Studying for tests. Meeting people to sell them stuff off Craigslist. Andrew's grandmother is in the hospital. Selling the Mercedes. Driving to school. Getting the right papers signed and notarized. Getting groceries. Going to court. Twitching eye. Doing taxes. Missing the internship deadline. Meeting with the lawyer. Driving Andrew to work. Searching for jobs. Sweeping. Doing dishes. Preparing for presentations. Cleaning stuff to sell. Figuring out what more to sell. Hanging up clothes. Feeding the pups. Dealing with ex-roommates and their immature attitudes while they move out. Eating crappy food. Having to worry about not making rent. Walking the dogs. Missing friends and outings. Thinking of places to live. Missing work because of errands. Meeting annoying people. Selling as much as possible for a new beginning.

 I'm exhausted.

I've been spun about. Trying to keep my chin up and think positively. It has been a chore. We're in the forest and every pathway found has an obstacle in front of it. A lot of them. A creek to jump over, an animal to fight off, or a fallen tree to climb over. Too many trees to dodge around. I, so desperately, want to get out of the woods. However, like the last rule says, "Don't quit."

I'm trying to ignore the tendency to hate. I'm trying to find the silver lining. I don't want that old familiar drabby friend to return but I can feel it visiting me. I'm trying to deal with those who are taking out their issues on me with positivity and love. I've managed to do it but apart of me wishes I could be stronger and tell them to go to hell. Is that the stronger thing to do? I can't tell what's right anymore. Probably, the caring path. Yet, they don't deserve it. Maybe I'm having an issue with that because I believe in karma. I feel Andrew and I didn't deserve what happened to him, which is affecting me. Apart of me sees it as a new path, the other part of me sees it as an unfair backlash to what was being done. We'll see. I just need to keep the light in while I find my way out of the forest. I just need something to look forward to. Right now, it's hard to see with all the shade. But, times like these is when it's best to...

Hike on.